Getting Fired Was the Greatest Thing Ever!

So it's been a while...

Where do I start?

I cut my hair: So I finally did it, its been long awaited, no one thought I would do it, but I did, I did it damn it. Jesse Barnes told me it looked like a fro, I felt it was time to say good bye. I can't say it doesn't feel weird losing all that weight from my head. When I take a shower, or go to sleep, I feel like a long lost friend has disappeared. It would be more depressing if my hair didn't look absolutely amazing, but it always does.

In the shower this morning I made a new song, and it goes something like this:

Alan doesn't work for BestBuy anymore,
Alan doesn't work for them,
He's too cute and he's too dreamy,
To be stuck behind a blue uni,
And some ugly off-white khaki's!
Because everyone knows,
Alan just glows,
And he's too amazing,
To be stuck in retail,
Sylvia is a whore,
Alan doesn't work for them anymore,
So if you need to use his discount,
Just ask Nicole.

Just kidding, I never gave out my discount, that is immoral and wrong. But while we're on the point of BestBuy, I want to say goodbye to those I hate and love.

The List

Sylvia: literally, the only reason anybody is nice to you is because they want to stick there penis in you. You have absolutely no soul, you have no personality, your laugh is infectious, and not the good kind. Literally when I hear you laugh, I feel like I just caught a strain of the Ebola virus with a little bit of AIDS mixed for fun. I've wanted to say that for so long. The only reason why the females are nice to you, is because they are busy calling you a slut behind your back. Trust me on this, after you gave up the butt sex to that guy in PCHO who will remain nameless, it all went downhill. You'll never live it down, literally. Grade: F

Jay: I love you babe, you were always fun and great to be around. I will always have a special place in my heart for you. Grade: B+ (I gave you a B only because you're married, sorry I had to)

Matt Clark: You're not as sexy as Jay, but I'd have to say you are a great friend. You were always there for me, and I really hope you find a way out of that hell hole. I almost wish you could get fired too. Trust me, it's better than it sounds. I really hope we remain friends after BestBuy. Grade A-

Nicole: your cousin is a fucktard, apparently fucktard is not a word. Oh well. Anywho, I always love hanging with you, and really can't wait till we hang out next. Note: writing on Alan's face, not cool. Grade: B

Anthony: dude, I can't believe you fucked that girl from customer service in the ass. She will remain nameless too. We need to hang, play Halo, and just fuck with people, when you wanna hang and have fun, call me up.

Jeff: dude, how could I leave you out of my list? You're my best friend, you're always fun to hang with, and you put up with a hell of a lot of my crap, thanx. Grade: A

Hope: I could literally copy and paste what I wrote for Jeff for you too. You are always there for me too, whenever we hang next, Starbucks is on me.

Matt Nelson: I would like to say I always admired you a little. I was a little disheartened when you were depressed about firing Sergio "I stole $500 from an autistic woman" Chula Vista, and I was also hurt by the fact that you think Mike will prosper as a home theatre sup. but oh well. All in all, I still respect you, and wish you the best.

Mike: You are a dipshit, you are a tool, you frustrate the fuck out of me, I am so glad I don't have to work with you ever again. In spite of all that, you are a good person, you have morals and standards, and to you like all good people I wish only luck and prosperity. Grade C

Isabel: it all started with you, it always does. I know we aren't talking, we aren't even friends, but I also wish you the best. I always loved the fact that you are such a pure hearted person. Goodness surrounds your heart and soul. At least, that's the way it used to be. That girl is still alive, but she hides behind the shadow of this facade of a selfish ugly girl, a girl that doesn't have an ounce of concern about anyone but herself, a person that uses people in her life for however long she needs them, a girl that isn't you. Look in the mirror and ask yourself, when did I become an asshole. I really hope you find your way back to the goodness that is within.

Alexander: Kerry Ann is so in to you, ask her out. Trust me, I'm never wrong.

If I didn't mention you, trust me, it doesn't mean that I don't love you, its just, this is the Alan Show, and I don't always have time for everyone, I only have time for Alan.

If you have comments or concerns, I don't really care, like I said, this is the Alan Show, not the Bob Show, of the I'm A Slut That Wants Attention Show, so if you're hurt or insulted by my remarks, oh well.

Don't fuck with a Jedi Master, or this may happen to you.