My First Birthday
I am kinda bored, and a tad bit bummed, and so I write.
Right now I am the U of A, I am waiting for the girls to eat dinner, then we’ll meet up at 8:00. The time right now is 7:13.
I saw J-Ro today, its been a long while. The guy still looks to be in peak physical condition. I find it funny how everyone I know has gained weight in college, and he loses weight. J-Ro was always to cool for everyone. Something about the meeting between us bothered me. No, it wasn’t the fact that he was in great shape and I could stand to lose a pound or two. It was the fact he playing soccer.
Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. I have for years, I tend only to be a fan once every four years, but when that year comes I am so gung ho about soccer. I would defend to death its greatness if necessary, at least when the world cup is around. It wasn’t the soccer at all that bugged me, it was me. This guy goes to a completely different school, in another state, and yet is able to find pick-up soccer games. I have been searching since the summer began for pick-up soccer, so much so that I played soccer with a bunch of kids from Greenfields!
Why is it that I couldn’t see something right in front of me? Why is it that I feel so crippled in social situations? I was never this way. In high school… and there’s the answer. In high school. I feel like everyone graduated from high school except for me. Now two years later I’m finally handed my diploma, offered a spot in the real world, and shoved to the ground. Forgive me if my grammar is lacking, or I tend to run on, I am ready to rant. The time is 7:21.
This was the final piece of the puzzle. This is why I was so hung up on her, this is why I don’t go to parties, this is why I don’t have as much fun as everyone else. I just graduated from High school. I feel like a fish out of water.
All in all I think I am finally ready to go to college. I wasted the past two years drifting, in and out of consciousness. I drugged myself with BestBuy, crushes that never came to fruition, girls who only hurt me, the pain was more intoxicating than the fear ever could be. The pain kept me alive, it kept me awake, it kept me going. Eventually disappointment mounted to a level that I finally began to feed off of it. I ditched class, not because I was afraid of failure, I wanted it. I wanted to fall flat on my face, but not for the attention, no no no, I wanted to fall to feel. I felt like the fear just crippled me emotionally. I was gone. I needed to be saved, BestBuy was a cult that saved me. For two years I lived, breathed and so greatly would have died for it, only to be able to finally have something to live for. I did not want to live for me.
I finally want to change that. I found joy in areas I once loved. I realized how rewarding doing well for oneself can actually be. I realized I want to be the best at everything I do. I once was great, but a man’s power isn’t judged by his greatness, its judged in his ability to lose it and find it once again.
I want to be a college student. I urge all those out there reading this, please, help me in this. I’m back, I’m ready, I am good to go. The time is 7:30.
Mark this second, minute, hour and moment, this is my first birthday.
Right now I am the U of A, I am waiting for the girls to eat dinner, then we’ll meet up at 8:00. The time right now is 7:13.
I saw J-Ro today, its been a long while. The guy still looks to be in peak physical condition. I find it funny how everyone I know has gained weight in college, and he loses weight. J-Ro was always to cool for everyone. Something about the meeting between us bothered me. No, it wasn’t the fact that he was in great shape and I could stand to lose a pound or two. It was the fact he playing soccer.
Don’t get me wrong, I love soccer. I have for years, I tend only to be a fan once every four years, but when that year comes I am so gung ho about soccer. I would defend to death its greatness if necessary, at least when the world cup is around. It wasn’t the soccer at all that bugged me, it was me. This guy goes to a completely different school, in another state, and yet is able to find pick-up soccer games. I have been searching since the summer began for pick-up soccer, so much so that I played soccer with a bunch of kids from Greenfields!
Why is it that I couldn’t see something right in front of me? Why is it that I feel so crippled in social situations? I was never this way. In high school… and there’s the answer. In high school. I feel like everyone graduated from high school except for me. Now two years later I’m finally handed my diploma, offered a spot in the real world, and shoved to the ground. Forgive me if my grammar is lacking, or I tend to run on, I am ready to rant. The time is 7:21.
This was the final piece of the puzzle. This is why I was so hung up on her, this is why I don’t go to parties, this is why I don’t have as much fun as everyone else. I just graduated from High school. I feel like a fish out of water.
All in all I think I am finally ready to go to college. I wasted the past two years drifting, in and out of consciousness. I drugged myself with BestBuy, crushes that never came to fruition, girls who only hurt me, the pain was more intoxicating than the fear ever could be. The pain kept me alive, it kept me awake, it kept me going. Eventually disappointment mounted to a level that I finally began to feed off of it. I ditched class, not because I was afraid of failure, I wanted it. I wanted to fall flat on my face, but not for the attention, no no no, I wanted to fall to feel. I felt like the fear just crippled me emotionally. I was gone. I needed to be saved, BestBuy was a cult that saved me. For two years I lived, breathed and so greatly would have died for it, only to be able to finally have something to live for. I did not want to live for me.
I finally want to change that. I found joy in areas I once loved. I realized how rewarding doing well for oneself can actually be. I realized I want to be the best at everything I do. I once was great, but a man’s power isn’t judged by his greatness, its judged in his ability to lose it and find it once again.
I want to be a college student. I urge all those out there reading this, please, help me in this. I’m back, I’m ready, I am good to go. The time is 7:30.
Mark this second, minute, hour and moment, this is my first birthday.
posted by The Alan Show at 7:37 PM
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