My New Job
I have the coolest job ever! I am so freaking excited. After spending two years in the soulless hell that was BestBuy I now work for one the most rewarding job I've ever had. I work for the Red Cross.
It is so cool, not only do I get my own desk, I get my own filing cabinet and computer! True, its not the PC Jeff uses, its a P4 with 256mb of ram and no graphics card, but it has speakers! I can listen to music at work. Best of all, I can sleep, I can go home and not feel guilty, I do no wrong.
Whodathunkit?
Let's get some initial things out of the way:
Madison, if you're reading this, I know your birthday is on the seventh, I'm just messing with you. Knowing you, you probably won't read this and the joke continues.
Snakes On A Plane is Me Newest Obsession, I have no desire to see the movie, it's just that song gets stuck in my head. To avoid further insanity I am currently listening to the rap stylings of Jason Mraz.
Yes, I do indeed still believe Sylvia is a whore, I don't say it as much as I used to but it's still there. It's like 'I love you', when you've been with someone long enough it goes without saying.
Who from the Faroe Islands is coming to my web site? I mean, I have nothing against long distance viewers (there are Alan Show fans all the way in South Korea), I just wish you'd leave a comment or something.
Lastly, a lot of you have been asking what do I call the fans of the Alan Show. Hulk Hogan has the Hulkamaniacs, the Rock has the millions and millions of fans, and I don't really know what to call you guys. As soon as I come up with something, I'll fill you in. I promise.
Let's begin.
I find it to be funny that I haven't been to BestBuy 198 since I last was fired, I pass by it once a week and yet have zero inclination to step in. I don't get it. I'm not afraid of what would happen if I stepped in, and I don't really care what they'd say, I just have no drive to. Plus, there are people there who I never really got to say goodbye to, say my final words to, and now they'll never hear them. In spite of this, I still cannot step inside of BestBuy 198. What the heck?
I do get an employee discount at my new job, 10% off of blood and blood accessories. Not to shabby.
I am trying to download Gilmore Girls Season One, I really love that show. Why is it, that when I was with Isabel, I couldn't sit down for five minutes to watch the show? Now I am obsessed with it. “Mothers and daughters, they speak so fast, they speak so true” Chris Turk. I know I just quoted a Scrubs character about Gilmore Girls, so what. I really wanna start from the beginning for this new season, I want to know everything and anything that happened, this is the last season you know! It should be good. I am excited about it, that and that Scrubs Season Six is a go!
I do not advocate illegal downloading of TV Show and/or Movies illegally. If I still did commercials, I'd recommend a legal service, oh well.
Psych is Monk for idiots. I love Psych, but it is just so... simple. I watch it and find myself enthralled because I too can use my detective skills to find the killer or thief. I feel so dirty watching, almost like I sat through CSI. CSI is Law and Order for idiots. I mean hardcore Law and Order, not that Special Victims bullshit, like Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The lead detective in that show is the shit. CSI and Law and Order: Special Victims are like the Blues Clues of detective shows:
So Guys and Gals, we have our three murder clues, we have the rape kit with two different samples of sperm, and one matches the boyfriend. We have blood all over the apartment, including the shower, and the murder weapon is a knife from the ex lover's knife drawer. Can you guess who Blue thinks killed this guy?
CSI: Lets use over dramatic special effects generated by an engineer using 3DS Max, poor guy, he thought he'd actually be solving crimes with his training. Instead he's wasting everyone's time and creating them. After all is said and done one of the detectives has a brain blast and figures it was the boyfriend, he caught his girlfriend cheating on him, raped her and killed her.
SVU: Let's first accuse the boyfriend, arrest him, set him free, waste 45 minutes of the viewers time and then realize it was the boyfriend all along. He did it because his mother raped him. His dad beat him too. Let's all cry.
What I like about Monk, it's always something new. Plus, we see a storyline develop and learn to love Monk more. What I hate about Monk is what I hated about Michael J. Fox when he guest starred on Scrubs, his OCD is way to real looking. It drives me bonkers. I actually twitch from watching them both. Both play/ed their parts well, too well.
Did you know Sheclock Holmes never said “Elementary, my dear Watson”. In fact, all he said was “Elementary” and “My dear Watson”, but never the two in the same novel. Funny huh?
Zach Braff has developed so many friends so quickly, it scares me. Good news though, I am friend 394 on his MySpace. Speaking of MySpace, I will now refer to it as the Space. I think it makes it sound cooler, more suave, more sophisticated. Whenever referring to my own personal space I will refer to it as my Space, different emphasis on the syllables. Trust me, it'll work. Maybe not. Truth be told, you can't get viruses or spyware from the Facebook.
I hate the Space.
Anyone who has not heard James Blunt, by his CD! All his songs will blow your mind, trust me on this. Have I ever steered you wrong before?
Anywho, I think my rambling have officially turned from being productive to being confusing, and so I end them here, at least tonight I do. Tip your waitresses, its not their fault you're so ugly they won't sleep with you even though you offered to pay them and not kiss them on the lips. It happens. If this still makes sense in the morning, there is something seriously wrong with this plane of reality.
Yours, as always, lovingly, gratefully, infatuated, enamored, and ever radically,
Alan “The Alan Show” D. Moghaddam
I leave you with a riddle: why does 6 fear 7?
Seven Eight Nine! He eight Nine!! and Nine is Six upside down. Hey, how is it fair that when six flips over it becomes nine, but when eight flips only half way it becomes infinity? It didn't do all the work six did!
It is so cool, not only do I get my own desk, I get my own filing cabinet and computer! True, its not the PC Jeff uses, its a P4 with 256mb of ram and no graphics card, but it has speakers! I can listen to music at work. Best of all, I can sleep, I can go home and not feel guilty, I do no wrong.
Whodathunkit?
Let's get some initial things out of the way:
Madison, if you're reading this, I know your birthday is on the seventh, I'm just messing with you. Knowing you, you probably won't read this and the joke continues.
Snakes On A Plane is Me Newest Obsession, I have no desire to see the movie, it's just that song gets stuck in my head. To avoid further insanity I am currently listening to the rap stylings of Jason Mraz.
Yes, I do indeed still believe Sylvia is a whore, I don't say it as much as I used to but it's still there. It's like 'I love you', when you've been with someone long enough it goes without saying.
Who from the Faroe Islands is coming to my web site? I mean, I have nothing against long distance viewers (there are Alan Show fans all the way in South Korea), I just wish you'd leave a comment or something.
Lastly, a lot of you have been asking what do I call the fans of the Alan Show. Hulk Hogan has the Hulkamaniacs, the Rock has the millions and millions of fans, and I don't really know what to call you guys. As soon as I come up with something, I'll fill you in. I promise.
Let's begin.
I find it to be funny that I haven't been to BestBuy 198 since I last was fired, I pass by it once a week and yet have zero inclination to step in. I don't get it. I'm not afraid of what would happen if I stepped in, and I don't really care what they'd say, I just have no drive to. Plus, there are people there who I never really got to say goodbye to, say my final words to, and now they'll never hear them. In spite of this, I still cannot step inside of BestBuy 198. What the heck?
I do get an employee discount at my new job, 10% off of blood and blood accessories. Not to shabby.
I am trying to download Gilmore Girls Season One, I really love that show. Why is it, that when I was with Isabel, I couldn't sit down for five minutes to watch the show? Now I am obsessed with it. “Mothers and daughters, they speak so fast, they speak so true” Chris Turk. I know I just quoted a Scrubs character about Gilmore Girls, so what. I really wanna start from the beginning for this new season, I want to know everything and anything that happened, this is the last season you know! It should be good. I am excited about it, that and that Scrubs Season Six is a go!
I do not advocate illegal downloading of TV Show and/or Movies illegally. If I still did commercials, I'd recommend a legal service, oh well.
Psych is Monk for idiots. I love Psych, but it is just so... simple. I watch it and find myself enthralled because I too can use my detective skills to find the killer or thief. I feel so dirty watching, almost like I sat through CSI. CSI is Law and Order for idiots. I mean hardcore Law and Order, not that Special Victims bullshit, like Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The lead detective in that show is the shit. CSI and Law and Order: Special Victims are like the Blues Clues of detective shows:
So Guys and Gals, we have our three murder clues, we have the rape kit with two different samples of sperm, and one matches the boyfriend. We have blood all over the apartment, including the shower, and the murder weapon is a knife from the ex lover's knife drawer. Can you guess who Blue thinks killed this guy?
CSI: Lets use over dramatic special effects generated by an engineer using 3DS Max, poor guy, he thought he'd actually be solving crimes with his training. Instead he's wasting everyone's time and creating them. After all is said and done one of the detectives has a brain blast and figures it was the boyfriend, he caught his girlfriend cheating on him, raped her and killed her.
SVU: Let's first accuse the boyfriend, arrest him, set him free, waste 45 minutes of the viewers time and then realize it was the boyfriend all along. He did it because his mother raped him. His dad beat him too. Let's all cry.
What I like about Monk, it's always something new. Plus, we see a storyline develop and learn to love Monk more. What I hate about Monk is what I hated about Michael J. Fox when he guest starred on Scrubs, his OCD is way to real looking. It drives me bonkers. I actually twitch from watching them both. Both play/ed their parts well, too well.
Did you know Sheclock Holmes never said “Elementary, my dear Watson”. In fact, all he said was “Elementary” and “My dear Watson”, but never the two in the same novel. Funny huh?
Zach Braff has developed so many friends so quickly, it scares me. Good news though, I am friend 394 on his MySpace. Speaking of MySpace, I will now refer to it as the Space. I think it makes it sound cooler, more suave, more sophisticated. Whenever referring to my own personal space I will refer to it as my Space, different emphasis on the syllables. Trust me, it'll work. Maybe not. Truth be told, you can't get viruses or spyware from the Facebook.
I hate the Space.
Anyone who has not heard James Blunt, by his CD! All his songs will blow your mind, trust me on this. Have I ever steered you wrong before?
Anywho, I think my rambling have officially turned from being productive to being confusing, and so I end them here, at least tonight I do. Tip your waitresses, its not their fault you're so ugly they won't sleep with you even though you offered to pay them and not kiss them on the lips. It happens. If this still makes sense in the morning, there is something seriously wrong with this plane of reality.
Yours, as always, lovingly, gratefully, infatuated, enamored, and ever radically,
Alan “The Alan Show” D. Moghaddam
I leave you with a riddle: why does 6 fear 7?
Seven Eight Nine! He eight Nine!! and Nine is Six upside down. Hey, how is it fair that when six flips over it becomes nine, but when eight flips only half way it becomes infinity? It didn't do all the work six did!
posted by The Alan Show at 1:39 AM
1 Comments:
YOU BASTERD CSI IS THE BEST SHOW IN THE WORLD. ITS SCIENTIFICYISH AND SEXY AND SMART! ITS BETTER THAN JESUS YOU BASTERD!~
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