To My Mystery Girl

Sometimes I forget to be happy. It turns out, most people suffer from this, in this world of 24 hour news stations making us all feel like crap and politicians who just can’t keep it in their pants, it’s rather easy to lose your happy. In the past week I’ve been consumed by, you guessed it, non other than a lady. We spent an amazing night together and ever since I can’t get her out of my head. “It's weird realizing that you missed someone you barely know” (Scrubs Season Two, Episode 18, I think). Unfortunately, like JD and TCW (Tasty Comma Wife) our timing just isn’t right right now. I let this get to me. In the past week I’ve been moody, sad, angry and practically everything but happy. I would go in and out of fighting how I felt and feeling sad about feeling the way I did and hating myself for it. I fell back into my head. It’s not enough to know how to be happy, I have to take active steps in doing so. Forgetting this is easy, freaking easy, its kinda like brushing your teeth. The process is just an annoying 5 minute task to be done daily, every little bit counts and adds to something greater. The counter-logic is also true, case in point: it could be a late night one night and you just don’t feel like brushing your teeth, well sooner or later one night turns into a week and your mouth just feels grimy. Imagine if you forgot to brush your teeth for years! That’s depression. Every little bit counts, we all forget that, I forget that! The entire time I was bummed I forgot the little things that make life great. For instance: I got the highest score in the class on every mid term I had. I got a 98 in philosophy, a 47 in physics, and a perfect score in BIO. Did I appreciate this? NO! I got lost in my own sadness. It turns out depression is the kind of disease that feeds on itself, the sadder you are, the sadder you get, and like quicksand it’s almost impossible to pull out of unassisted. It infects those around you, feeds off of those who are depressed with you, for you, and about you.

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”

Yes, I didn’t quote Scrubs this time, woo-hoo! FOCUS! It’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts, especially sad ones. I know I promised myself and all the great fans of The Alan Show that I’d stay out of my head, this is just a little work I need to do to make sure of it.

To My Mystery Girl: I know that we may never be, and that so much is against this actually working, but I think for me, I need to just enjoy this crush a little bit longer. I know the things I say sound crazy and may even scare you, just remember, they scare me too. I do care about you, I don’t know why, I don’t know where it comes from, I just do, know that. I don’t want to feel the way I do about you, but the “heart wants what it wants”. I’m done, I am not fighting my heart, or any other part of myself anymore. I suggest you do the same! GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! Maybe I’m wrong, but I think what’s best for both of us is to just go out and experience life with no expectations, do crazy, random, insane shit. Don’t do them because you want to have fun or feel something new, do them just to do them. No expectations! So much of life is spent planning and living the plan. The best plan for all of us is to be happy, spread happy, live happy and love happy. It all falls back on the four tenants of life:

· Live

· Love

· Laugh

· Honor Your Commitments

ANYONE out there, and I do mean anyone, if you can’t find your happy, come to me, I’ve got plenty to spare.