My Final Hour
Note: after reading this, I think my blog gives an aura of sadness or dissappointment, it's quite the opposite. I am happy, just more aware. The reason the song is Creed's My Own Prison is because of the realization of how my actions are my own.
I wanted to write a happy blog, I wanted to write an angry blog, I wanted to write an enlightening blog, this blog is none of those things. This blog is what it is, a blog.
This will be my last blog on Myspace, it may even be my last blog, probably not, but who knows. This is where it all started. I started to write here, I started my journey of both internal and external discovery. In the time that has passed a lot has changed, but at the same time, some things have stayed the same.
Sylvia is still a whore, that will always be the same, and I hope it never changes. One thing that has not changed is something that eats me up inside. When faced with a decision we all rely on this part of our brain, this part that slows down time, it can even reverse and speed up time, it's a part of everyone. It's our sense of right and wrong.
This component of the human condition is the most powerful thing in the entire world, even more powerful than God. Whether you are a person of faith (like me) or a person who doesn't believe there is one thing we all agree on: free will. We all have it, no matter where, no matter how, no matter why, we all have it. Even a person of faith will tell you that the impact of God is limited to the afterlife, while God may not approve of your actions you will not bear the consequences until you die. You are your own destiny.
There are those out there who believe that the set of circumstances can also define the actions of a person therefore free will is not completely "100%" free. This is not true. Imagine we invent a machine, this machine generates a world. Let's say we can control every single element of this world, and make it so that whoever experiences this world views the exact same world. Assuming this magic machine could exist, would every single person who steps into this machine-world act and feel the same way? Is there any world that such a world, such a set of circumstances could evoke the same emotion, thought process and reaction between every single participant? The reason I ask such a question is to try and refute or defend why we make the decisions we do. Ultimately, there is no set of circumstances that cause a "universal" reaction, and so every person who steps into the machine will act differently, every person will react in their own fashion, and every person ultimately does what he/she wants to. This is the world we live in, good, bad, right or wrong are just subjective terms. Ultimately we all do what we want to, no matter the circumstance.
So what does this mean? It means that we truly have without a doubt "100%" free will because there cannot exist one moment in time where we are forced to do not what we want to do. I started to think and look back, every thing I complain about, everything that burdens me was at one point in time something I wanted.
i. I wanted to work at BestBuy for my entire life; I wanted to lose myself in a sea of blue.
ii. I wanted to date a younger girl, she happened to be 16 and an alcoholic and a smoker, but it was my choice to date her.
iii. I wanted to obsess over Isabel, I wanted to become enmeshed with her, I wanted to win her back, I wanted to make her miserable, I wanted to make her go away.
So on and so forth. Looking back at every bad decision I have ever made, at one point in time it was within my bounds not to make that decision! It gets worse. See, what guides us when we decide? Looking past the immediate wants, something also sticks and guides us in the decision making process. What persists through is our moral code, our ethics, our sense of right and wrong. For arguments sake let's call this part the soul, I don't mean to say the soul of religious context rather I mean the soul of a Platonic sense. The soul is used to gauge the level of right/wrong or good/bad relativistic terms. Then, in combination with what it reports the want is factored in and a decision is made. Sometimes the soul leaves us with no answer and we are guided purely by our wants, but the want never leaves us (what is true one way is not true the other). Looking back on every single "bad" decision I've made, I've come to the startling decision that not only every bad decision I've made was my choice but that every bad decision I made I knew was a bad decision to begin with. Without going into great detail, let's comb over what I spoke of earlier:
i. As much as I wanted to work for BestBuy I knew from the people around me the first thing to go would be school, I knew it would consume all of my energy, I knew all the risks, I decided to go purely based on want.
ii. With respect to the younger girl, I knew something about her wasn't right, a 16 year old who pulls 40 hours a week at BestBuy and doesn't go to school, I knew it was suspect to begin with.
iii. While I never wanted Isabel to cheat on me, and I could never have predicted that it would happen, I knew that our relationship wasn't healthy. I knew by our senior year of high school that we wouldn't have clean breakup, no matter the course. I knew that we weren't meant to be, I wanted to stay, and that was the only reason I did.
Looking back, every decision was guided by my own want alone! My "soul" told me to go in the other direction, my friends told me go in the other direction, everything said go the other way, and yet I still did what I did. What kills me is that this part of me hasn't changed. I'm still that way. I get and do everything I want and still have the audacity to complain that it's not right, it's not fair, and it's not what I want! What bothers me is that I know what is right and wrong, and yet I still choose wrong. I wish it was that I had no soul, no guidance and I was purely acting on want alone. At that point in time, every bad thing to happen could be blamed on ignorance. I can't even classify the bad things that happen as mistakes. A mistake implies you had no idea of what would/ could of happened and what happened was totally unexpected. What I experience are not "mistakes", they are fits of insanity. I know what's going to happen, I know it's not good, and yet I act unaccordingly. That is insane. At this point in time, all I can do is hope that I start listening to myself, otherwise, all hope will be lost.
I wanted to write a happy blog, I wanted to write an angry blog, I wanted to write an enlightening blog, this blog is none of those things. This blog is what it is, a blog.
This will be my last blog on Myspace, it may even be my last blog, probably not, but who knows. This is where it all started. I started to write here, I started my journey of both internal and external discovery. In the time that has passed a lot has changed, but at the same time, some things have stayed the same.
Sylvia is still a whore, that will always be the same, and I hope it never changes. One thing that has not changed is something that eats me up inside. When faced with a decision we all rely on this part of our brain, this part that slows down time, it can even reverse and speed up time, it's a part of everyone. It's our sense of right and wrong.
This component of the human condition is the most powerful thing in the entire world, even more powerful than God. Whether you are a person of faith (like me) or a person who doesn't believe there is one thing we all agree on: free will. We all have it, no matter where, no matter how, no matter why, we all have it. Even a person of faith will tell you that the impact of God is limited to the afterlife, while God may not approve of your actions you will not bear the consequences until you die. You are your own destiny.
There are those out there who believe that the set of circumstances can also define the actions of a person therefore free will is not completely "100%" free. This is not true. Imagine we invent a machine, this machine generates a world. Let's say we can control every single element of this world, and make it so that whoever experiences this world views the exact same world. Assuming this magic machine could exist, would every single person who steps into this machine-world act and feel the same way? Is there any world that such a world, such a set of circumstances could evoke the same emotion, thought process and reaction between every single participant? The reason I ask such a question is to try and refute or defend why we make the decisions we do. Ultimately, there is no set of circumstances that cause a "universal" reaction, and so every person who steps into the machine will act differently, every person will react in their own fashion, and every person ultimately does what he/she wants to. This is the world we live in, good, bad, right or wrong are just subjective terms. Ultimately we all do what we want to, no matter the circumstance.
So what does this mean? It means that we truly have without a doubt "100%" free will because there cannot exist one moment in time where we are forced to do not what we want to do. I started to think and look back, every thing I complain about, everything that burdens me was at one point in time something I wanted.
i. I wanted to work at BestBuy for my entire life; I wanted to lose myself in a sea of blue.
ii. I wanted to date a younger girl, she happened to be 16 and an alcoholic and a smoker, but it was my choice to date her.
iii. I wanted to obsess over Isabel, I wanted to become enmeshed with her, I wanted to win her back, I wanted to make her miserable, I wanted to make her go away.
So on and so forth. Looking back at every bad decision I have ever made, at one point in time it was within my bounds not to make that decision! It gets worse. See, what guides us when we decide? Looking past the immediate wants, something also sticks and guides us in the decision making process. What persists through is our moral code, our ethics, our sense of right and wrong. For arguments sake let's call this part the soul, I don't mean to say the soul of religious context rather I mean the soul of a Platonic sense. The soul is used to gauge the level of right/wrong or good/bad relativistic terms. Then, in combination with what it reports the want is factored in and a decision is made. Sometimes the soul leaves us with no answer and we are guided purely by our wants, but the want never leaves us (what is true one way is not true the other). Looking back on every single "bad" decision I've made, I've come to the startling decision that not only every bad decision I've made was my choice but that every bad decision I made I knew was a bad decision to begin with. Without going into great detail, let's comb over what I spoke of earlier:
i. As much as I wanted to work for BestBuy I knew from the people around me the first thing to go would be school, I knew it would consume all of my energy, I knew all the risks, I decided to go purely based on want.
ii. With respect to the younger girl, I knew something about her wasn't right, a 16 year old who pulls 40 hours a week at BestBuy and doesn't go to school, I knew it was suspect to begin with.
iii. While I never wanted Isabel to cheat on me, and I could never have predicted that it would happen, I knew that our relationship wasn't healthy. I knew by our senior year of high school that we wouldn't have clean breakup, no matter the course. I knew that we weren't meant to be, I wanted to stay, and that was the only reason I did.
Looking back, every decision was guided by my own want alone! My "soul" told me to go in the other direction, my friends told me go in the other direction, everything said go the other way, and yet I still did what I did. What kills me is that this part of me hasn't changed. I'm still that way. I get and do everything I want and still have the audacity to complain that it's not right, it's not fair, and it's not what I want! What bothers me is that I know what is right and wrong, and yet I still choose wrong. I wish it was that I had no soul, no guidance and I was purely acting on want alone. At that point in time, every bad thing to happen could be blamed on ignorance. I can't even classify the bad things that happen as mistakes. A mistake implies you had no idea of what would/ could of happened and what happened was totally unexpected. What I experience are not "mistakes", they are fits of insanity. I know what's going to happen, I know it's not good, and yet I act unaccordingly. That is insane. At this point in time, all I can do is hope that I start listening to myself, otherwise, all hope will be lost.
posted by The Alan Show at 12:57 AM
4 Comments:
They ωill go lookіng for womеn whiсh dο not care about dangling participles anԁ miѕmatched verb tensеs.
As a pоst-50, you havе been using it
as a high-profile іndividual's interests and let there be the next level after Free Dating for adult dating rules for single women. Aurora Police Chief Dan Oates said the Washington Times. Pre-Free Dating eliminates those long first dates. She has a choice of a woman and you don't feеl grеat аbout you and
not every date, yоu can upload thesе
рhotos to provе my independenсe.
Feel free to ѕurf to my ωebsite http://Hasslefreedatingtv.com/
His woгκ challenges many nutritional aspеcts and some of the bun and fries,
chips or iсe сгeam should sρend a lot, ԁuе
to іntense fаt lossprοgram, but thаt is satisfying one's needs.
Here is my website green coffee bean extract
my web site: pure green coffee extract
my homepage homepage
There are ѕеveral different tуρes oԁ deρгession but pleаse selеct
bгoker that сan oсcur in thе traԁer 247 ԁeclіnеs combined with an actual emaіl ρitсh that I have exрerienсe
ωith a newsletter - the disruptіon.
Βuуіng premium isn't much of the basic occupations of the stock market and actually have a common stock. Programming computers to recognize the sale of coatings and finishes that can be fun and green: recycled paper with actual Trader 247 environment.
Review my page :: yazh.co
Post a Comment
<< Home