My New Game

I am completely addicted. It’s been almost one week and a half, and I am addicted.

What game you may ask? Dance Dance Revolution (DDR). I am not good at it whatsoever, and yet I find myself drawn to its lights and loud music. Currently I have “Speed Over Beethoven” in my head. As I type, the dance steps emerge on the ground. My family is annoyed, my cat is bewildered, and I am addicted.

The Good: Most, not all, but most of the people who do in fact DDR (it is a verb too) are in shape. There are exceptions to this rule. Once and while there will be a fat person who just comes on the pad and smokes everyone around him/her. The sad thing is it’s never a slightly overweight individual, it’s always someone who looks so fat that they only move their bodies for when its meal time. I don’t get it. It’s like a black hole, or the universe has reached a nexus at that DDR machine. Physicists around the world stare on in wonderment. How can these rubenesque rumblers move so swiftly and softly? Watching them dance is like watching a baby calve stand for the first time. A figure emerges, fighting the through flaps of fat and wiggles and frays left and right and up and down. It’s rather endearing in a disgusting sort of way.

The Bad: Beyond the aforementioned athletes, there is a stigma in being labeled a DDR Freak. There are repercussions. Today, whilst Alexander and I were watching a fellow DDR’er (and now it’s an agentive) light up the dance floor, two scary black guys came up on the dance pad trying to replicate DDR moves. Whoever told them that they had a chance in hell at this game was sadly mistaken. They didn’t even get one move off the ground. Better yet, they didn’t even pay for the game, they bullied the kid who was dancing (quite well too) right off the pad. Did they pay him back? Nope. They didn’t even apologize. See, when engaged in Public Displays of Nerdiness, or PDN for short, you leave yourself quite open to criticism. Even the most suave and sophisticated characters (such as myself) look rather nerdy whilst DDRing (now it has a gerund form). I also find conflict in the notion of PDN.
PDN is a very serious issue with me. I have trouble accepting it at any form, for instance: when Alexander wears the Geek Squad shirt I gave him. Spoiler Alert! Alexander has never worked for BestBuy and/or Geek Squad (Shocker!), Alexander would never break down into letting them do their services on one of his machines, so the only possibly reason for him to wear the shirt is for PDN. Another example is when Alexander tries to leave the house wearing Ethernet cable as a makeshift belt. I’ve caught him doing this numerous amounts of times. Side note: if you don’t know what Ethernet Cable is, you are half way there in ridding the world of the cancer that is PDN. All in all there is a lot to lose to this dieing fad, and I fear what may come of it.

Conclusion: whilst there is a massive amount of PDN involved in DDR, SSL, QRP, NPR, IBM, FTP, HTTP, and so forth… DDR is still massively fun. Take this guy right here:


He is sick, he’s not even looking at the dance pad. That is whack yo. Fo’ shizzle.
Of course, I know I never will be that good, for the moment DDR is my new game.
Sylvia is whore.