Hit Me! Winner, 21!

So I’m turning 21 in a couple of hours, what do I do to celebrate? Blog, how fun!

I figured since I’m turning 21, there are 21 people out there that need to be recognized, scrutinized, analyzed, fallacized, and such. I also would like to take the time to go ahead and make some new life resolutions. Who knows what could happen?

1. Sharon: How ya been? So, my birthday is in like 7 hours and what do I do? I download ALL SEVEN of Eddie Izzard’s shows. I know, I know, I’m cool like that. See, this is more of a test to see if you even read my blogs. Do you? Happy Birthday. (I really did download the shows, if you want them, they’re yours)

2. Jeff: This has been a weird, long, crazy year. There have been ups and downs, lefts and rights, but through it all its been mostly good. I’m freaked out I have more dreams that involve events in your life, but I guess maybe my life is to boring to dream about. Thanks for being my homie.

3. Hope: I really miss you. I really hope all is well, I think Grissom misses the puppy.

4. Isabel: I’m glad things are finally stable between us, we aren’t talking, but it’s not volatile. This is a first, we either love each other or hate each other. It’s kinda nice we’re in the in between. Thanks for the advice, believe it or not, it really helped out. Happy Birthday to you!

5. Alexander: it really seems like we’re on different wave lengths as of late. When I’m busy your free, and vice versa. When things calm down, we should totally hang, who knows, this might be the last semester I’m down here!

6. The Twirlers: I miss you guys. It’s sad, I find myself singing Bear Down every Saturday night, why?! How can you instill a level of school spirit in me (mind you, I’ve never really been to keen on the U of A, something about it being the worst two years of my life) and then disappear? It’s like a drug, and now I’m hooked. I won’t see you guys on the 21^st (I’ll be lecturing on Optics in Willowcreek, I know, I’m a nerd), but I will still miss you guys.

7. Liz: I wanna know if you actually read my blogs too. Also! I’d like to know when you want to film Aerials Gone Wild? Totally hit me up.

8. Sarah: I’m really glad you came out to visit. I’m having fun, the irony is, you’ll probably not see this until you leave, if even then.

9. Tommy: I promise you I will look for your Zelda game. I’ve been out of it lately when it comes to video games, but I think finishing Max Payne 2 has given me a second wind. I am excited, pumped, and I wanna play FEAR. I’ll be back to the video games universe, I promise.

10. (11. 12. 13.) Heidi, Moriah and Sharayah (and Isabel, again): you four are the proof of the rule that Alan just doesn’t get along with his ex-girlfriends. Why is that? I mean, Moriah and I only dated for like 4 hours, but still, we are totally not talking right now. Ironically, Heidi is the closest ex that I have that I can engage in conversation with, even then its light as hell. I think part of my resolutions should be to find out why I don’t break up well. I’d be lying if I said you four weren’t on my mind lately.

14. Madison: I totally have not made time to hang out with you lately, I haven’t gone to church, and I’ve been ditching you. I’m sorry. We should hang sometime soon.

15. Vicky: Just like Madison, we need to hang, I wanna catch up, I wanna find out how things are, how’s the boy, how’s school, is Brendan really gay? So on, and so forth. Totally hit me up as well, do you know my new number?

16. J. Liu: It has been a long time brother man. You among most, make me feel like I have neglected my friends completely. I am a bad friend. If you wanna do something completely awesome this summer (ie. A road trip) I’m game.

17. Miss Tiffany Kincade: My twin, my other half, my bestest friend ever. How has it been that long since we last talked. Let me say one thing, I’m really sorry. In between the crazy ex-girlfriends and the agony of college we’ve lost touch. This is a last stand. I want all to be well between us, I miss you the most out of everyone here. For our 21^st b-day, your gift will be whatever you want (that I can do, of course). I’ll even venture all the way out there to see you.

18. Nicole: I want to thank you for your parties, they are always awesome, and I have a hell of a time I’m there whenever I go.

19. Lacy: How’s Chile?

20. Auna: where are you? We were supposed to be bestest friends ever? I hope all is well with you.

21. Alan: You are a great guy. You beat up on yourself way to much. It kinda bothers me. Look, I know the girl situation isn’t the greatest, but after writing this long list, you of all people should see that you’re loved. You have a lot of people close to you, and people who you need to keep close to you. Don’t lose those around you because you are too busy feeling bummed for yourself. Don’t lose those that are close to you. Here’s some ways to keep happy

a. Keep your friends close

b. Read more

c. Criticize yourself less

d. Don’t worry about what others say/feel about you.

e. Have fun

f. Don’t drink to much

g. Be happy, be well

Thank you all.

PS Why are there so many women on my list?

To My Mystery Girl

Sometimes I forget to be happy. It turns out, most people suffer from this, in this world of 24 hour news stations making us all feel like crap and politicians who just can’t keep it in their pants, it’s rather easy to lose your happy. In the past week I’ve been consumed by, you guessed it, non other than a lady. We spent an amazing night together and ever since I can’t get her out of my head. “It's weird realizing that you missed someone you barely know” (Scrubs Season Two, Episode 18, I think). Unfortunately, like JD and TCW (Tasty Comma Wife) our timing just isn’t right right now. I let this get to me. In the past week I’ve been moody, sad, angry and practically everything but happy. I would go in and out of fighting how I felt and feeling sad about feeling the way I did and hating myself for it. I fell back into my head. It’s not enough to know how to be happy, I have to take active steps in doing so. Forgetting this is easy, freaking easy, its kinda like brushing your teeth. The process is just an annoying 5 minute task to be done daily, every little bit counts and adds to something greater. The counter-logic is also true, case in point: it could be a late night one night and you just don’t feel like brushing your teeth, well sooner or later one night turns into a week and your mouth just feels grimy. Imagine if you forgot to brush your teeth for years! That’s depression. Every little bit counts, we all forget that, I forget that! The entire time I was bummed I forgot the little things that make life great. For instance: I got the highest score in the class on every mid term I had. I got a 98 in philosophy, a 47 in physics, and a perfect score in BIO. Did I appreciate this? NO! I got lost in my own sadness. It turns out depression is the kind of disease that feeds on itself, the sadder you are, the sadder you get, and like quicksand it’s almost impossible to pull out of unassisted. It infects those around you, feeds off of those who are depressed with you, for you, and about you.

“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”

Yes, I didn’t quote Scrubs this time, woo-hoo! FOCUS! It’s easy to get lost in your own thoughts, especially sad ones. I know I promised myself and all the great fans of The Alan Show that I’d stay out of my head, this is just a little work I need to do to make sure of it.

To My Mystery Girl: I know that we may never be, and that so much is against this actually working, but I think for me, I need to just enjoy this crush a little bit longer. I know the things I say sound crazy and may even scare you, just remember, they scare me too. I do care about you, I don’t know why, I don’t know where it comes from, I just do, know that. I don’t want to feel the way I do about you, but the “heart wants what it wants”. I’m done, I am not fighting my heart, or any other part of myself anymore. I suggest you do the same! GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! Maybe I’m wrong, but I think what’s best for both of us is to just go out and experience life with no expectations, do crazy, random, insane shit. Don’t do them because you want to have fun or feel something new, do them just to do them. No expectations! So much of life is spent planning and living the plan. The best plan for all of us is to be happy, spread happy, live happy and love happy. It all falls back on the four tenants of life:

· Live

· Love

· Laugh

· Honor Your Commitments

ANYONE out there, and I do mean anyone, if you can’t find your happy, come to me, I’ve got plenty to spare.

Just because your behind me, doesn't mean you're not in my rear view mirror.