My Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I was at the red jumpsuit concert and I saw Sylvia (who is still a whore) and I pondered the fact that it has been a very long time since I last blogged.

My cousin left me a comment on my mySpace about how I need to blog, and so here I am, and I will take the opportunity to give everybody a status report.

Since I can’t just attack all points at once, I’ll divide and conquer, first and foremost:

My School: things are great with school. I hate my Western Civilizations class, it feels like my professor is more interested in knowing if I know how to write an essay than me actually knowing what went on, blah blah blah, but oh well.

I love modern physics. For those of you that don’t know, everything you know about physics is wrong, dead wrong. It’s weird to walk into class one day and learn that everything you spent the last four years of life on is wrong. It’s great. I think I get my mind blown every single day. Before, certain things weren’t really touchable because I didn’t have the math, or, the physics is just too hard to contemplate, or not worth it, now, it’s all new again. It rocks being able to look at things going the speed of light, pondering if what we see is what someone else sees, if time is the same, how it can bent, how it can appear to move faster or slower; its all just mind blowing. Anyone who knows anything about physics must take this course.

Biology is my mistress to physics. I feel like such a nerd. I love plant biology. I feel like biology is the polar opposite of physics, everything is just so mysterious, illogical, crazy and frenzied. I love it. School is just so freaking awesome!

My friends: are being really weird. Most of them are cool, it’s just some are… odd. I feel like a small few are going against their word, their hearts, themselves. The hardest thing to watch is person who is fighting himself/herself. I often don’t know what side to take in these fights, because either way you’re screwed. Like, I have this one friend who is conflicted about this girl. She cheated on him, and he doesn’t know whether or not to take her back. He’s so conflicted with her that his head is deeply lodged up his ass. Do I attack his girl? Do I defend a cheater? If they get back together and I told him to stay away then I’m the first to go. If they don’t get back together and he relapses I’m the first to blame. In these situations I take comfort in the words of Elliot from Scrubs “At least I know I can sleep at night”. That’s what it has boiled down to for me, I do what I need to sleep at night. I end up saying what benefits me best, which is really selfish, but ultimately it’s all I can do. Most of my friends are still cool, it’s just some…

My Work: Not having a job rocks! I mean don’t get me wrong, I still work for the girls, but I barely classify it as that. It’s better than selling computers. I love going to the games, and I have started to root for the U of A! Well, at least the women’s team. Damn, that USC game was awesome. I think above all it’s because of the girls that I’ve started to get acclimated with the idea of me coming back to the U of A. At first I was against it, I’m not so much against it now.

My Love Life: Ha! I want to clear something up for everyone: I am not gay. There have been rumors afloat because of my facebook and how I am engaged to Jonathan Liu means I am gay. I’m not. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, its just not for me. Sorry to disappoint all those out there.

There is a girl I am kind of interested in. She doesn’t know I exist. She is your typical Sara plain and tall. She is really nice and smart, but truth be told I don’t know much about her. It’s because of that I feel completely uncomfortable about asking her out. I mean, what do I say, “Hey, you seem really cool but I don’t know anything about you, I’d like to know more. We should go out sometime”? I just feel like a tool saying that. Plus, I don’t know how interested in me she is. Every time I try to initiate conversation it seems like we don’t have that great of a give and take, but to be honest, she makes me so nervous I don’t think I really can think. Who knows?

This doesn’t get me down. What does is the fact that it bothers others. I feel like love is just so damn over dramatized. To play off what Matt Hardy said I wanna address a sentiment that everyone holds: love is all you need.

This is just wrong. Love is great, but it’s just a cheap derivative of what’s really important, happiness. See, the best analogy I can draw is in carbohydrates. See, there are two forms of carbs, simple and complex. Simple carbohydrates come from sugar, instant gratification. Simple carbs are short chains of glucose and/or fructose and don’t really help power you through the day. Complex carbs are long, long chains of thousands of sugars, usually found in bread and your starches. Now, a cross country runner will eat lots and lots of complex carbs the night before a race because it gives him far more energy than the simple ones will.

Love is like simple carbohydrates, love is like a Snickers bar. When you’re drinking Dr. Pepper, nothing’s better than eating a Snickers afterward/during. I wouldn’t dare try living off of Snickers and Dr. Pepper, it’d be great for a short while, but it would eventually catch up with me. Happiness, happiness is like bread, pasta and everything of the sort. Happiness’s effects aren’t instant, but they have a much healthier, longer lasting impression. Happiness is much more powerful than love.

One of my friends has something posted, a quote, something along the lines of “love isn’t finding the person you can live with; it’s who you can’t live without”. Double negatives aside, I think this sentiment is wrong. Many of you out there totally agree with it thought, therein lies the conflict. I was once one of you! I hate to tell you this, for a healthy person, there is no one in the entire world who you can’t live without. If everyone in the entire world died, except for you, you would still wake up in the morning. If you tried to kill yourself, hold your breath until you turn blue, what would happen? You’d pass out and start breathing again! Ha! You can’t even kill yourself without outside intervention! There is only one person you can’t live without: yourself!

When love becomes something that you depend on, when love is something that you wake up for, when it is the reason you are, it’s like saying all I eat is Skittles and Snickers bars. It won’t last long. See, we’re taught by TV, Shakespeare, movies, dreams, all that stuff, that love is the answer to all. I’m sorry, but we’re all wrong, it’s happiness. Ask any psychologist, any psychiatrist, any six year old, that kind of love isn’t love, it’s codependency.

I think the most important thing for everyone to do is to find out if they’re happy. I’ve got a simple quiz you all can take to find out if you are: Finish this sentence, I’m happiest when I’m (blank). Write a list of all the things that make you happy. If you have a partner, rule out any answers involving them. If an answer is filled with debauchery or gluttonous (usually over consumption of alcohol or food), rule it out. See how many answers you have.

These are a few of mine:

• Watching Scrubs
• Running
• In physics
• In bio
• With the twirlers
• Watching the U of A lose to USC, classic. LOL (it doesn’t happen very often)
• Watching Duke win
• Watching the Houston Rockets play
• Sitting in my car, the radio is as loud as possible, the windows are rolled down, 92.9 is on the dial (and something acoustic is playing), and I’m singing along to every song in the midst of traffic.

I could go on and on. See, happiness can even outnumber love. The amount of time these events consume versus the dividends they bear is ridiculous. Love can put a smile on you face, but unless you are truly happy, it won’t stay on.

What does all this mean? Girls: no guy will be your knight in shining armor; you have to be happy to begin with. If you are married to the man of your dreams, but your job sucks, you hate the way you look, and you aren’t happy, it won’t work out. Guys: no girl can make you happy and no girl can make you better. You become a better person because you want to; you become happy because you are satisfied with school, with work, with life. Even if you aren’t completely satisfied, you can be happy in knowing you’re going in the right direction. That’s what’s important!

I think I’m starting to beat a horse, so I’m going to tie all this back together, it’s because of all these reasons, I’m not too worried about the fact that I’m not in a relationship. Relationships are great, girls are great, being in love is great, but it will never ever again be the reason I wake up in the morning. I will never wake up for another person, I will wake in the morning because life is great, because I’m happy (well, when I have kids, I guess it’s ok if I wake up in the morning for them).

Now, I don’t want an influx of calls, emails, and messages if you don’t agree with this; and don’t think I am attacking those (or the person) who believes love is finding a person you can’t live without. I’m just stating my opinion, I could in fact be wrong, I have been before, but I don’t think I am now. Rather, I would love to see your responses to my happiness quiz. I don’t write down what I’m thinking and feeling to brag, or anything along those lines, I write because I truly hope my ramblings make sense to you, and you can draw something from it. I write because I want things to be ok, for everyone, I want everyone to be happy. All you out there, comment on what makes you happy, heck, you may end up giving someone an idea and spread your happy, and that makes me happy.