My Top Show Countdown

15. Raw: Oh how the mighty have fallen. I remember a time when I used to never miss an episode. What happened? In the midst of Kurt Angle leaving for TNA, Lita and Edge being the frontline heels of RAW, and DX reforming, RAW lost its luster. Watch out RAW, other shows are nipping at your heels. I am excited about what’s to come, but will it be enough?

14. Smallville: I am only watching this show because of Superman Returns. It’s kinda like Star Wars Episode 3. We all saw Episode’s 4 and 2, but how do they connect? What makes Darth Vader, Darth Vader? How does Padmae die? All these questions are what made Episode 3 so amazing. It all came together. This is why I watch Smallville. Smallville Clark Kent is outgoing, strong, fierce, and above all mighty. Superman Returns Clark was anything but. Superman Returns Clark was humble, nerdy, and passive. I want to know what humbles Clark. This is why I still watch, in spite of the crappy storyline, horrible acting, and shitty character relationships. Who knows, it may improve? Right?!

13. Standoff: I was very very optimistic about this show after the pilot. I fucking hate baseball. It’s because of baseball that this show was put on hold, and episodes aired on FX at the weirdest times. Why? More to come on this show, it has the makings of a good show.

12. ALL of ESPN: I’ve lumped all of ESPN into the category of one show. I love me the ESPN and as of late the programming has been interesting, that and the NBA is back. I find myself putting it on ESPN more and more. I realistically can’t gauge ESPN’s improvements until the NBA season ends, no complaints about that though.

11. ‘Till Death/Happy Hour: yet another victim of fagball. Why MLB, why? Both shows wowed me with their pilots, both shows seem funny and the characters seem interesting. I hope these two shows stay on a little longer. I can’t choose which is better, so it’s a tie.

10. House: essentially if Dr. Cox was unmarried and had a cankerous limp, he would be House. This is what makes House interesting. I love the obscure cases, the roller coaster ride that is the plot, and the cane, you gotta love the cane. Lately it seems like House is losing momentum and the storyline is a tad bit boring, but things will pick up. I know it to be so.

9. The Daily Show/Colbert Report: I watch these two shows everyday, especially since the elections. I wish the Daily Show had a 24 hour feed, they should take it to the prime time.

8. The Simpsons: this season will be epic, and missing it would be a sin. I love The Simpsons, I think anyone who likes family guy, futurama, and any animated show much the same owes the Simpsons major credit. I love the Simpsons mainly because it is funny, witty, smart, stupid, all wihtout being vulgar or distgusting. Family Guy sucks balls (now).

7. Nip/Tuck: I was excited about this season of Nip/Tuck, now I'm not so sure. The episodes have been entriguing, but the latest trailer makes me believe this may be the begining of the end of Nip/Tuck. I just don't see myself staying on to see the rest of the season. They have a chance at the title this year (Alan's Best Show on TV besides The Alan Show).

6. Numb3rs: A show about a nerd who uses math to solve murders, who knew I'd like it, right? Well, I love it. I am addicted to it. I catch it on ONDEMAND whenever possible. Because it follows the pattern of crime drama, I am not that obsessed with it, yet. Yet another title contender here.

5. Scrubs: Woah, no one saw this one coming. Me not give Scrubs the number one slot? Why? This is because, unlike normal shows, Scrub's season six hasn't started yet. I think it's more than fair to place Scrubs at number 5, for a season that hasn't even started yet. Fucking NBC. Why do they love to see Scrubs fail, why do they love to see me suffer. Scrubs is defending their title this year, and they will put on the best title defense ever. This will be epic.

4. South Park: speaking of epic, the tenth season of South Park has been putting on a clinic. This has been the funniest season of South Park, and Matt and Trey definitely have the title in sight. They have crossed every line, invalidated every religion, and made fun of every race. Doing it again, all in one season should be interesting.

3. Gilmore Girls: I have no fucking clue why I still watch this show, let alone why I am so addicted to it. I have to watch. "Mothers and daughters, they speak so fast, but speak so true" (Turk from Scrubs on Gilmore Girls). The story has been lacking, the dialogue has been almost non-existant, and the characters have not been themselves. Why do I still watch? I hope it picks up back to where it was. I am not one of those fans who thinks Lorelai and Luke have to end up together, I just want good banter between Lorelai and Rory. I miss that, I really do. Maybe thats why I still watch.

2. Heroes: 18 hours ago this show wouldn't even be on the list. I didn't even know what it is then, I know even less now. It is a very strange show. I can't stop watching it. I saw the entire first seven episodes last night, twice, and I can't stop watching. There is only one show that is better, but I really feel like this show is a must see, for all.

1. Jericho (Alan’s working title, “The Jericho): this is the greatest show on TV right now. You have to accept a lot to watch it, but if you do accept that we are in a post-apocolyptic world, it is amazing. I feel like Heroes centers around the story greatly, and the characters are not as important. Jericho is the opposite, I'm more interested in seeing what sides Jake and Hawkin's are on, who's a good guy, who's a bad guy, will those two kids hook up, so many questions. Heroes makes you how the world ends, Jericho makes you question who makes the world end and how to cope with it all. Best SHOW ON TV THIS WEEK.

All these shows are interesting and fun to watch, but only one can take the title. Check back next week to see the new rankings.

The Alan Show

Please, Please, Please Just Shut Up!

I used to be able to distinguish between it all, the sounds, they weren’t sounds. I could actually understand what was being said, what was being done. Now it all sounds like noise.

I just wish, just for five seconds, the whole world would just shut up. I really can’t take it anymore. It’s like every person has something to say, something to scream, something so important we should all just stop and listen. I don’t want to listen anymore, I’m done.

I’ve had a tough day. It just feels like all day I’ve been trying to listen, trying to comprehend all those around me, and I can’t. Today just feels like a song, like a really loud song. I can hear the music in the background, I can hear the singers harmonizing, but I can’t understand a single lyric. Did she say “I just wanna fly” or “I fucked the sky” or what? I don’t know.

I was sitting with my family, actually acting like a family unit, and we were engaged in watching the tele. Michael J. Fox is on CNN talking about stem cells and his Parkinson’s, and it just eventually became a blur to me. What once made sense, a day, now seemed to be anything but normal, a dream if you will.

The day, me flying across town in search of a camera, Shirlee flipping out on me and my family, the girls, Alexander, it all became a blur. It made sense when I woke up, it made sense when I was in it, why doesn't it not now? This disturbed me.

I just feel like we’re all moving so fast. When we move that way, we question little, accept a lot, and keep on trucking. It's when we slow down, even stop here and there, that the image starts to seem unreal, it starts to feel like it shouldn’t be what it is. That’s where I am.

Everywhere I go, I hear people talking about moving forward, moving backward, just moving. When I was moving with them, it sounded right, it sounded like it made sense, now, it’s just gibberish. The $64,000.00 question I have is why are we always moving? To follow that one up: Where the fuck is it we’re going?

The best way I can explain it is through example. Let’s say you’re on a road trip, and you’re going down a stretch of highway at like 95 mph. The speed limit is 75. Everyone around you is also going 95 mph, so it doesn’t feel weird in any way. You’re driving by yourself and you gaze to your left and right, you try and look at the highway billboards, and there are tons of ‘um, passing you by every second but they just look like a blur. This is fine, because you can’t pay much attention to them ‘cause you’re going 95 freaking mph! You start to get a little hungry, and you don’t know where a food place is. You try and look at the billboards, but they’re still blurry, wtf? You start to get really hungry, so you pull to the right lanes and start to slow down. The signs are still blurry. This is frustrating, you need answers, and all you get is blurred colours. You slow down so much so that you decide its best to just pull over, maybe the white line fever has hit you harder than you expected. Just your luck, you’re parked right under a billboard, you decide to end this insanity once and for all. You climb the ladder, you reach the top, and what do you see? A white billboard. Nothing is written, no colours, not a damn thing. That’s how I feel.

So many people are telling us to look ahead, the democrats are trying to this, the republicans are trying to do that, social security this, Medicare that. We’re moving so fast, we can only look forward, it’s the safest thing to do. We listen to every single voice, keep moving, and just try and do what they tell us to do. We’re so focused on where we’re going, we don’t even know where we are.

I just want to stop, and appreciate the white billboard, even though I don’t understand it. I can’t. I’ll get a parking ticket, prosecuted for trespassing, so on and so forth.

So many people talk about making things better. When things are good, all I hear is how they can be better. When things are shitty, all I hear is everything will be alright in the end. Why is it that way? Why can’t we be happy things are the way they are? Why am I always facing forward?

Sorry if i seem to ramble, or don't make any sense, eventually I'll get back on the road.